Ohio Funeral Home Worker Lawrence Clement Likes His Women 'A Little On The Cold Side'

H.H. Birkenkamp, Owned By Houston-Based Service Corporation International

Necrophiliac Lawrence J. Clement

Toledo, Ohio

To me, the thought of working in a funeral home is sort of creepy. I have always wondered what funeral home employees do during off-peak hours, especially during those quiet times surrounded only by corpses.

Well, thanks to police in Toledo, I now have a better understanding of how workers pass the time. Authorities have arrested Lawrence J. Clement for sexually abusing a corpse. Clement, 57, has been working for H.H. Birkenkamp Funeral Home in Toledo, a funeral home owned by Service Corporation International.

According to the Toledo Police Department, employees with the H.H. Birkenkamp Funeral Home called the 51-year-old victim's family members to report that one of their staff members had sexually abused her corpse. Another employee allegedly witnessed the sexual assault. The funeral home offered to waive the $11,000 funeral bill if they agreed not to call police. The family rejected the offer, contacted police and transferred the victim’s body to another funeral home.

Details on the abuse were not released, but the employee has been fired, said Lisa Marshall, a spokeswoman for Houston-based Service Corporation International (NYSE:SCI).

By the way, Service Corporation International is well-known for buying funeral homes and keeping the old names. Best way to know if a funeral home is owned by SCI, is to look for the "Dignity" logo. Their company website states:

"We'll make you rethink everything you ever thought about a career in funeral and cemetery service."

So, let me reply on my company website...You've got that shit right!